Vaudeville!

It’s 1919 in New York City, and Vaudeville is all the rage!

Impish impresario Keaton Abbott (Jason Hardwick) is polishing the planks of the Ferguson Theatre as his company of actors, magicians, jugglers, singers, showgirls, stage-hands and circus animals put the finishing touches on their latest variety spectacle.

DIE-NASTY plays every Monday at 7:30 at the Varscona Theatre
(10329 - 83 Avenue in Old Strathcona) from October 21, 2019, through May 25, 2020, except for December 23 and 30.

Tickets are $15 or $10 with a $40 membership
and are available at the door (cash only) or online at varsconatheatre.com.


Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Episode 7 - "I Don’t Have an Idea for a Title"

Episode 7 - "I Don’t Have an Idea for a Title"
Photos by Janna Hove
Synopsis by Jim Cej


Our Cast of Characters

Jason Hardwick as Keaton Abbott 
- impresario, theatre owner-

Kristi Hansen as Bobbi Smarts 
- designer and stage hand -

Stephanie Wolfe as Juniper Jones 
- now solo member of a sister act -

Tom Edwards as Riff Van Winkel 
- ex-WWI pilot turned wing walker -

Delia Barnett as Daisy Darling
 - showgirl, born in a trunk -

Jesse Gervais as Lou Costello 
- accountant and guesser -

Owen Bishop as Henchbuck Wrinklebrow 
- Hollywood producer -

Vincent Forcier as Barnaby Toughbottom 
- strongman -

*           *            *

2 December 1919

 *            *           *

 Behind the curtain, Henchbuck introduces himself to Daisy Darling.
 He gives her flowers. 
He asks her to go to Paris. 
He has a starring film role for her and a 5 figure salary. 
The plane leaves tonight.

*            *           *
 Juniper makes scrambled eggs for Bobbi for breakfast. 
Bobbi may talk to management about her anger issues today. 
 Juniper has a bad reaction to learning about 
the technician’s poker game. 
Maybe a poker polka would make it more wholesome.

*            *           *

  Keaton carpools Lou Costello and Riff Van Winkel. 
He races against an Amish horse team 
and then develops some car trouble.

*            *           *

 Barnaby struggles through his morning routine without his strength. 

 *            *           *

 Daisy goes to Juniper for some career advice. 
Juniper has heard about Henchbuck. 
Movies will never last. 
Theatre is where her heart is. 
Daisy loves it there. 
Maybe she can learn more dreams of what she could be. 
Juniper thinks it wouldn’t be fair to tell Daisy not to follow her heart, 
but her friends in New York will miss her. 

*            *           *  

In a silent film version of their car problems...  

Henchbuck Wrinklebrow pulls up next to Keaton Abbott 
and offers to help.  
Keaton accidentally knocks Henchbuck out...  

...and takes his car.

*            *           *

  Keaton and friends reach the theatre, where Bobbi waits. 
She asks whose car it is.
 She thinks he should be paying proper wages 
instead of buying a company car. 
While Keaton and Lou discuss giving Bobbi a raise, 
Bobbi apologizes to Riff.

*            *           * 

Henchbuck wakes up with a headache.  
He hallucinates about Daisy and her movie. 

*            *           *

Keaton hears from Riff about what has been going on in his life. 
Keaton tells Riff that things need to stay work related. 
They have a zero tolerance policy against fraternizing between staff.  
After he hears about his being hit on the head with a bottle by Bobbi, 
Keaton thinks he needs to have some more meetings.

*            *           *

Barnaby needs help from Juniper with his now weakened state. 

*            *           *  

Lou arrives for his date with Daisy.  
He is floating on a cloud. 
They dance. 
She is his perfect equation. 
She has something to tell him. 
A man came up to her after her performance. 
He said that he could make her the star of a movie. 
In Paris.  
She’s not sure how she feels about it.
 He tells her that Paris is a horrible place. 
It’s really not for her. 
But 5 figures… 
He asks if there is anything that he can do to convince her to stay. 
He tells her to follow her heart and he will be here 
waiting for her when she returns. 
If you love something, set it free. 

*            *           *

Keaton meets with Riff and Bobbi to attempt to mediate. 
Keaton wants to present a transparent workplace. 
He tries to be supportive.  
They are interrupted by an incoherent Henchbuck.  
He tells them that he is taking Daisy to Paris. 
They all get very defensive of Daisy.   
Both Bobbi and Riff hit him over the head with bottles.

*            *           *  

Intermission!

*            *           * 

Keaton has finished his HR meetings, 
and has called Daisy and Lou into his office to find out about Paris. 
She hasn’t decided anything yet, but she has received a great offer. 
He’s crunched some numbers
 but they will cut a cheque to help her out when she’s in Paris. 
 They are sad to see her go but they are very happy for her. 
They want what’s best for her, and that would be going to Paris. 
Maybe she’ll come back with a new act.

*            *           *

 Riff and Bobbi have taken an unconscious Henchbuck to the green room. 
Riff’s not used to hitting people over the head with a bottle. 
They can’t let him take Daisy.  
The combined head injuries have led him more capable. 
He’s smarter than ever.  
He comes from a long line of people with head injuries.

*            *           *

 Poor Barnaby. 
Juniper has been helping him all that she can.
 She’s sorry that he is not feeling up to himself.
She’s making him an elixir.

*            *           *

  Daisy packs her bags. 
Lou tried to hide his tears. 
 It’s so hard to know what she will need on Paris. 
She asks if he is okay. 
He is going to miss her. 
He looks the way Daisy feels right now. 
Her heart will always be at the Ferguson. 
They can write letters. 
She will miss him terribly. 
Who will teach her big words in Paris? 
Lou thinks that she is going to fall in love with someone and never return.  
He tells her to leave. 
She thinks that they could have had something great, 
but she guesses not.

*            *           *

 Riff and Bobbi ask what Henchbuck has come there for. 
To get the building blocks for something big.  
Keaton enters and asks what his name is.  
He wants Daisy. He has to prove his worth.

*            *           *

In a montage, Juniper feeds Barnaby... 



  ...and trains him back to health!

*            *           *





*            *           *

 Juniper comes home to Bobbi Smarts. 
What a day she had! Bobbi confesses that she did it again.
Oops!
 She keeps beating people with bottles. 
And this time she wasn’t even drunk. 
Keaton knocks at their door. 
He tells them that Daisy is no longer a part of their family. 
They are going to pretend that she was never here. 
She wasn’t Keaton’s first choice, but now Juniper is.  
She doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice. 
He needs her to headline the show. 
If not, not even the Limelight will hire her when he is through.

*            *           *

 Daisy is in Paris.
She is welcomed by everyone that she meets. 



 The wind blows Lou’s visor to her feet. 
She is deep in thought.

*            *           *

 Directed by Matt Alden
Music by Paul Morgan Donald
Lighting by Brad Fischer











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