It’s 1919 in New York City, and Vaudeville is all the rage!

Impish impresario Keaton Abbott (Jason Hardwick) is polishing the planks of the Ferguson Theatre as his company of actors, magicians, jugglers, singers, showgirls, stage-hands and circus animals put the finishing touches on their latest variety spectacle.

DIE-NASTY plays every Monday at 7:30 at the Varscona Theatre
(10329 - 83 Avenue in Old Strathcona) from October 21, 2019, through May 25, 2020, except for December 23 and 30.

Tickets are $15 or $10 with a $40 membership
and are available at the door (cash only) or online at

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Episode 10 - "No Booze, No Ball"

Episode 10 -   January 6th 2020- "No Booze, No Ball"

Photos by Janna Hove
Synopsis by Jim Cej

Our Cast of Characters

Jason Hardwick - Keaton Abbott 
- impresario, theatre owner -
Kristi Hansen - Bobbi Smarts 
- designer and stage hand -
Tom Edwards - Riff Van Winkel 
- ex-WWI pilot, wing walker -
Delia Barnett - Daisy Darling 
- showgirl, born in a trunk -
Mark Meer - Lou Tellegen 
- famous actor  -
Belinda Cornish - Geraldine Farrar 
- his equally famous actress and opera singing wife -
Jesse Gervais - Lou Costello 
- accountant and guesser -

*           *            *
January 6, 1920

*           *            *

 Lou And Lou are at the train station. 
Daisy has returned from Paris with a French accent.
Lou Tellegen is picking up his wife, Geraldine Farrar, 
arriving from Hollywood. 
She recognizes Daisy from a film they were in together. 
They share a cab to go back to the theatre.

*           *            *

The driver takes the scenic route around Central Park. 
Geraldine warns the driver that she gets car sick.  
 It’s the driver’s first day on the job after getting out of jail. 
He is all over the road. 
Geraldine gets sick.

*           *            *
Bobbi isn’t herself without alcohol. 
She arrives for a meeting with Keaton. 
They are both frustrated by Prohibition.

*           *            *

Bobbi checks in on Riff. 
He has the spins as he tries to get off alcohol.  
 They wonder who has the booze, and what are they doing with it. 
How are his kidneys ever going to survive?

*           *            *

Lou Tellegen has made the first part of a trilogy about 
Bernie and Chives, the Baked Potato bandits. 

They commit their first murder during a robbery and drive off.  

On the run, they commit more murders.

*           *            *  

Keaton Abbott is visited by someone from his past, Geraldine Farrar. 
He asks her why she is there. 
She asks if he is pleased. 
She is pleased to hear that he is doing well. 
She wanted to see him. 
Keaton says that what they had was special, but now he has a wife. 
And she has a husband. 
It’s just a happy coincidence that her husband has chosen 
to do Vaudeville in his theatre. 
The idea makes her laugh. 
He asks again why she is in his fucking office. 
She doesn’t like that word used as an expletive. 
Only as a verb.

*           *            *

Lou Costello has prepared a picnic on the roof of the theatre for Daisy. 
He wanted to bring her a taste of Paris. 
He pours her a glass of New York’s finest tap water. 
Lou doesn’t know how to relate to her any more. 
He was wondering if things could continue as they were before she left. 
He may be a quiet man, but he’s a freak between the sheets.   
 She met a lot of men in Paris. 
Every time she kissed someone, she pretended that she was kissing him.

*           *            *

Bobbi has called all the staff together. 
They tell her that she has to do something.
  They are all getting offers from Limelight Cabaret. 
 They makes their own booze there. And appys! 
She thinks that they can make their own gin suppositories at the theatre.

*           *            * 

Geraldine knocks on Keaton’s door. 
 He invites her in and offers her a seat. 
There is something that Keaton doesn’t know. 
He is afraid that she is going to leave him again, like last time. 
 Keaton walks away and Geraldine cries.

*           *            * 

Bobbi Smarts interrupts the filming of part two of the Bacon and Chives story. 
After the murders in the first film, the second is more of a character study. 

Bobbi runs in. 
She need Riff for something. 
A suppository prototype dangles from her fingers.

*           *            *
Lou Costello goes to see Keaton. 
Do you ever come back to your office and find 
things aren’t the way you keep things? 
 Lou worries that Daisy has grown too big for Vaudeville. 
He thinks that they should get rid of her.  
 She’s too expensive to be their headliner now. 
She is going to turn on Keaton the way she turned on Lou. 
Keaton thinks that he understands. 
Everyone knows that Lou loves Daisy. 
Keaton says that she isn’t going anywhere. 
She’s going to bring in a fortune. 
Lou threatens that if he doesn’t get rid of Daisy, try running the theatre without him.

*           *            *

After a day on the set, Lou Tellegan returns home to Geraldine. 
He is full of excitement over the day.  
The film is going very well, but he is constantly being interrupted. 
Lou thinks that he has figured out how to bring in a new character, 
a small green baby with big eyes. 
 Being a director is so much harder than just being an actor. 
While he explains the intricacy of running a movie...  
...Geraldine steps out into a monologue... 
  ...saying that it was then that she decided to murder him.
*           *            *

Keaton finds Bobbi sitting in a bathtub full of gin. 
She tells him that this is bathtub is their future. 
He has to try it out, he'll feel as good as she does. 
Maybe just a partial bath.  
She pulls out her suppository prototype. 
He says that she's unbelievable. 
Why didn’t she think of this sooner?    
They can sell them through the concession at the theatre. 
There is no price tag that they can put on bathtub gin suppositories. 

*           *            *

 Riff is finally getting the attention that he deserves. 

While walking through the city, he runs into many fans.  

When he crosses paths with Bobbi...  
 ...she says that it may just be the suppository talking, 
but she has always loved him.

*           *            *

Daisy entertains Lou Costello in her dressing room. 
She is having the best time playing Bacon in the Bacon and Chives movies. 
He is so proud of her. 
She is going to be a star. 
He thinks she is just using them as a stepping stone. 
He can see a light in her that is beyond New York. 
He thinks that she should start. 
To spread her wings and fly.
She has to grasp the moment. 
Now is the time for her to leave. 
Step out this door, and never look back. 
And Lou will always be at her side?  
No, he will stay here where he belongs. 
He hates to say it, but her time there is up. 
Daisy, you’re fired.

*           *            *

In the tiny storage room, Geraldine accosts Keaton. 
He shouldn’t, but he missed her. 
She is all about being positive and saying yes. 
Like murder.  
 He is taken aback. 
She asks if he loves her. 
He has always loved her, but Lou is making her insane. 
Keaton says that Lou just came into his office and told him to fire Daisy. 
He guesses that they will have to kill Lou. 

*           *            *

 Riff tries to revive Bobbi. 
That suppository is really powerful. 
Lou Tellegan knocks on the door 
and tells him that he was to be on the set 5 minutes ago.  
 Lou asks if Bobbi really loves him. 
She tripped over herself in love with him. 
He doesn’t know much about her, about her past. 
She says that he knows her better than everyone. 
Should he woo her? 
He knows what she wants him to do. 
 She holds up a suppository.

*           *            *

Lou Tellegen explains his movie to an audience at the Ferguson.  
He asks them to keep in mind that this movie is based on actual events 
that had real consequences.  
The film starts. Bacon and Chives are in hiding. 
They pay someone for a bottle of bootleg booze. 

 Driving off, another gentleman gives them a baby. 
Daisy finds it difficult to drive and hold the baby at the same time. 

*           *            *

 Keaton samples some Schenectady tap water. 
He gets a phone call from his estranged wife. 
She couldn’t send their child there with all the drinking and carousing. 
But now with Prohibition, she has done her time. 
It’s his turn. 
She is sending their child to him to look after. 
He asks is she is coming, too. 
No, it’s her turn to run around and cavort. 
Just hang in there. 
We always come back. 
Keep an eye out for the child.

*           *            *

* Directed by Matt Alden * 
* Music by Paul Morgan Donald  *

*  Lighting by Brad Fischer  *

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