Vaudeville!

It’s 1919 in New York City, and Vaudeville is all the rage!

Impish impresario Keaton Abbott (Jason Hardwick) is polishing the planks of the Ferguson Theatre as his company of actors, magicians, jugglers, singers, showgirls, stage-hands and circus animals put the finishing touches on their latest variety spectacle.

DIE-NASTY plays every Monday at 7:30 at the Varscona Theatre
(10329 - 83 Avenue in Old Strathcona) from October 21, 2019, through May 25, 2020, except for December 23 and 30.

Tickets are $15 or $10 with a $40 membership
and are available at the door (cash only) or online at varsconatheatre.com.


Thursday, February 27, 2020

Episode 17 - When Irish Guys Are Smilin’ or Irish You Well

Episode 17  When Irish Guys Are Smilin’ or Irish You Well
Photos by Janna Hove
Synopsis by Jim Cej

*               *               *


*               *               *

Our Cast of Characters
Jason Hardwick - Keaton Abbott 
- impresario, owner of the Ferguson Theatre
Shannon Blanchet - Plootie Scampzingus 
- spunky orphan, mysteriously rich gopher
Kristi Hansen - Bobbi Smarts 
- designer and stage manager
Tom Edwards - Riff Van Winkel 
- ex-WWI pilot, wing walker, song and dance man
Jesse Gervais - Lou Costello 
- accountant and guesser
Vincent Forcier - Barnaby Toughbottom 
- strongman

Cody Porter - Paddy O’Lantern 
- Irish mobster

*               *               *
- February 24th, 1920 -
Keaton Abbott is alone backstage at the Ferguson. 
He’s got things arranged like they have at the Hoboken Pantages. 
Plootie wants to help out at both theatres. 
Lou Costello asks if there is room for him at the Ferguson. 
Since he came with the theatre… 
Barnaby and Bobbi have heard that Keaton needs help,
 so they are there, too. 
Keaton wasn’t nice to any of them. 
Why are they there?
 They all have their reasons, 
but they all love Keaton.


*               *               * 

Lou and Barnaby meet with 
Paddy O’Lantern of the Pokey Bangers
 and his entourage. 

 He has heard they need some assistance. 
He can offer them liquor. 
Or protection. 
He wants to hold a boxing match at the theatre. 
He just needs someone who would fight him. 

*               *               *

 Plootie isn’t in school and Keaton wonders why. 
It’s too late to go now, maybe some other decade. 
Keaton puts his foot down. 
He needs to go school. 
He may not be able to read, but he knows numbers. 
And money. 
He wants to be of use. 
Keaton asks if he wants a job that no one else could do. 
If he is up for the challenge, 
 Keaton needs Plootie to produce a matinee. 
He needs to find a show. 
And money for the show. 
And actors for the show. 
And places to advertise there show…

*               *               *

At Coney Island, Bobbi and Riff are in the Tunnel of Love. 
They talk about their relationship 
while they coast past features of the ride. 
Riff asks Bobbi if she thinks that she made the right decision. 
Yes, but she worries that she might relapse. 
What if she still sleeps around a lot? 
She trusts him. 
Does he trust her to come home to him? 

*               *               *

Lou sets up a dinner meeting with Paddy and Barnaby. 
He pours Paddy some Irish whiskey 
and introduces him to Barnaby.  
 Barnaby is surprised that Paddy would show his face again. 
We see back to when Barnaby would fight animals. 
He thinks that they don’t let hm fight against a man 
because he might kill someone.
 Barnaby tells Paddy that he must leave town
 after what he did to Barnaby’s sister. 
If he ever shows his face again
 he’ll have to fight Barnaby.

*               *               *

 Plootie meets with her gang at their clubhouse. 
They have to put on a show. 
Petey needs to overcome his agoraphobia. 
He worries that he’ll pee himself. 
Can he make money doing that? 
Everyone has an idea for an act, 
including being shot out of a cannon. 
 Where will they get the gunpowder from? 
That’ll be Maximilian’s job. 
They sing their clubhouse theme song.

*               *               *

Riff and Bobbi walk home from Coney Island. 
She has the big teddy bear 
that Riff won for her tucked under her arm. 
 He tells her that she can sleep with it. 
Bobbi meant that she would still sleep with other people. 
Riff wants to lay some ground rules for their relationship. 
They need to make up a contract 
and swear upon the teddy bear. 
They need a third party that they can talk to her then find a middle ground.

*               *               *

Barnaby and Paddy get ready for the press conference before the fight. 
Barnaby tells Keaton about his past with Paddy. 
Is he prepared to have a man die on his stage? 
People have died on his stage many times before. 
The press have a lot of questions. 
 Barnaby tosses Paddy his shirt. 
He’s going to need it. 
 They both have problems seeing 
after all the flash bulbs go off. 
Barnaby and Paddy come close to blows. 
Keaton steps between them and announces 
that the fight will be this Sunday. 
He bets the theatre on Barnaby Toughbottom.

*               *               * 

 Lou is waiting in Keaton's office, 
when he comes in after the press conference. 
He immediately breaks down, 
not seeing that Lou is there. 
What has he done, betting the theatre? 
Lou tries to comfort him, 
but just scares Keaton instead.

*               *               *

Plootie’s gang got caught trying to steal the gunpowder
 and are tied up by Mr Williken. 
What would Houdini do to get out of their fix? 
One of them has a knife in their pocket. 
Someone else reaches into their pocket and gets the knife.  
 Mr Williken calls from upstairs and hopes they’re not up to no good. 
If they think that they can get out of there, 
Mr Williken has enough gunpowder to shoot one of them.

*               *               *

 Lou holds Keaton while he cries. 
They have a fight coming up. 
Lou says that he made a deal with the devil. 
He brought this on. 
Keaton asks what hasn’t happened in the theatre for a long time? 
What happens if someone else wins the theatre? 
They could walk away with all the proceeds. 
Riff comes in, complaining that there are a bunch of Irishmen 
that have taken over his dressing room. 
Lou and Keaton make plans on leaving the theatre for good. 
 Riff thinks that they should kill Paddy. 
Lou says that it’s the only way. 
They are playing by Paddy's rules. 

*               *               *

 Plootie’s gang has escaped and tied up Mr Williken. 
They’re a team! 
They’ve all learned something. 
Even Mr Williken has been inspired by them. 
He sees a glimmer of hope for the future. 
Plootie has learned that sometimes 
you just have to put a knife in a windbag.

*               *               *

Barnaby and Paddy have a pregame chat in the Tunnel of Love. 
Barnaby doesn’t want the fight to go the wrong way. 
Paddy says that there is only one way for the fight to go. 
The only person behind Barnaby is Keaton.  
 Barnaby confesses that he's been throwing his animal fights. 
He can’t fight against his friend. 
They negotiate how much power they’ll put behind their punches.

*               *               *

 Keaton finds Bobbi backstage. 
She doesn’t really want to go home right now. 
She’s been sleeping at the theatre 
and swears that she hasn’t been drinking. 
Keaton asks what is up with her and Riff. 
You know when you have a couch in the basement 
and one day you realize that it’s the best couch that you ever had, 
but you can’t put it upstairs? 
 She asks what Keaton is going to do with Biff’s body. 
The less she knows, the better. 
She had to get out of the theatre. 
She has that couch, the best damned couch that she ever had. 
Don’t be there tonight, Bobbi. 
Bobbi asks if he is firing her. 
Yes, he’s firing her.

*               *               *

 In the catwalk over the theatre, 
Riff and Lou go over their plans for murder. 
 Lou is afraid of heights. 
 They are going to bring them up there, 
telling them that this is where they keep the booze. 
They’ll have a party and get them all in one bunch and push them down. 
It’ll look like an accident, 
and they’ll all have booze on them.

*               *               *

 Keaton and Bobbi continue their talk 
before they open the theatre for the big fight. 
Does he think that he can do this without Bobbi? 
He has to do this without her. 
There are a bunch of people coming tonight 
and something’s going to happen that he doesn’t want to have to happen. 
He doesn’t want her involved.
 Is he going to die? 
He has so much to live for? what? 
His wife? Geraldine? 
This shithole of a theatre? 
 Plootie runs on. 
He did it! 
He put together a show 
and they’ll put it on after the fight! 
Bobbi says to stick to it for Plootie.

*               *               *

 Everyone gets ready for the fight. 
Paddy says the it’ll be a shame to pummel Barnaby into the dust. 
Barnaby says that he has been working his whole life to this moment. 
They both think that this is going to be easy. 
Paddy and Barnaby step into the ring. 
The bell rings and the fight starts. 
They both take some serious blows in Round 1, 
but Barnaby winds up on the rope. 
 In Round 2, Barnaby makes a comeback. 
In Round 3, Barnaby takes what he has learned
 in his animal fights and hits Paddy. 
In Round 4, Barnaby gives more than the amount they agreed upon 
and knocks Barnaby to the ground. 
 He shakes it off but Paddy hits him in a whirlwind. 
Barnaby reminds Paddy that he always said 
that he could fight him in his sleep. 
He has one more round in him. 
He tells Paddy that he was wrong and wants him to stay.  
 Paddy has one more punch to put Barnaby out of his misery. 
Barnaby grabs Paddy’s fist...  
...and crushes it and him into the ground.  
 He wins!

*               *               *

 Meanwhile downstairs, Plootie and his gang put on their show. 
 It’s a musical cavalcade, 
ending with one of them being shot out of the cannon.
 Maximilian forgot to put in the gunpowder. 
His feet are on fire and they catch eveything on stage on fire. 
Petey has enough in his bladder to put the fires out.

*               *               *

 On the catwalk, they have a party. 
They line up the Irishmen along the railing, 
looking over the stage. 
They talk about the fight and Paddy’s training for the fight. 
Does he beat the meat? 
The Irishmen take a slash over the edge, on the count of three. 
On three, Riff and Lou push them off of the catwalk. 
 Lou is shocked to see that they’re still peeing. 
They leave them there to be found by the cops. 
Barnaby rushes to Paddy. 
He didn’t knock his lights out to have him walk into some other light.  
Barnaby pledges to find out who did this to him. 
Who has it against the Irish?

*               *               *

Plootie is thrilled with the success of the show. 
He is surprised to find Keaton packing a bag. 
What’s going on? 
It reminds Plootie about a movie he made with Kitty, Keaton's wife. 
He tells Keaton that he is intent to sabotaging everything. 
Keaton says that he is packing things up for Plootie 
for him to take over to the Pantages. 
  He is sorry that he doubted him. 
Keaton tells him to get out of there. 
 When Plootie has gone, Keaton lights a cigarette. 
He pours booze all over the floor, and walks off,
 tossing his cigarette over this shoulder. 
 The Ferguson starts to burn.

*               *               *

*   Directed by Matt Alden    *
*   Lighting by Brad Fischer    *
*  Music by Paul Morgan Donald *
















No comments:

Post a Comment