Vaudeville!

It’s 1919 in New York City, and Vaudeville is all the rage!

Impish impresario Keaton Abbott (Jason Hardwick) is polishing the planks of the Ferguson Theatre as his company of actors, magicians, jugglers, singers, showgirls, stage-hands and circus animals put the finishing touches on their latest variety spectacle.

DIE-NASTY plays every Monday at 7:30 at the Varscona Theatre
(10329 - 83 Avenue in Old Strathcona) from October 21, 2019, through May 25, 2020, except for December 23 and 30.

Tickets are $15 or $10 with a $40 membership
and are available at the door (cash only) or online at varsconatheatre.com.


Friday, March 13, 2020

Episode 19 - Quarantine Wolf

Episode 19 - Quarantine Wolf
Photos by Janna Hove
Synopsis by Jim Cej
Lighting by Brad Fischer



*                           *                            *

Owen Bishop - Henchbuck Wrinklebrow 
- Hollywood producer & investor in the Ferguson -
Matt Alden - Jack Potts 
- spoiled rich kid turned radio show host -
Tom Edwards - Riff Van Winkel 
- ex-WWI pilot, wing walker, song and dance man -
 Delia Barnett - Daisy Darling 
- showgirl, born in a trunk, running the Hoboken Pantages Theatre-
Stephanie Wolfe - Juniper Jones 
- now solo member of a sister act, running the Hoboken Pantages Theatre
Belinda Cornish - Geraldine Farrar 
- film actress and opera singer -
Shannon Blanchet - Plootie Scampzingus 
- spunky orphan, mysteriously rich gopher
Cody Porter - Paddy O’Lantern 
- Irish mobster, head of the Pokey Blinders -
Darrell Portz - Isadore Phineas Knighty 
- southern novelist with writer’s block -
Mark Meer - Lou Tellegen 
- famous actor 

*                           *                            *
March 9th, 1920 
 Juniper, Daisy, Geraldine, and Plootie 
stand in the ashes of the Hoboken Pantages. 
It’s gone. Everything is gone. 
Juniper asks if they should have revenge or forgiveness. 
Geraldine asks the unbalanced Plootie which they should choose. 
 He says that the theatre is still standing 
and all this is just their imagination. 

*                           *                            *

Lou meets his wife in the ashes of the Ferguson. 
What has happened to the theatre? 
No, he would prefer to find out on his own.

*                           *                            *

Hernchbuck and Paddy share a drink in a corner bar. 
Henchbuck is undercover in his gang. 
Paddy still don’t know who tried to kill him.

*                           *                            * 

Daisy and Juniper share some tea. 
Juniper wants to know who burned down their theatre. 
She knows that Daisy knows.

*                           *                            * 

Isadore meets Jack Potts outside 
the still standing doors of the Ferguson Theatre. 
Jack recognizes the famous novelist. 
Isadore asks which of his books was his favourite.

*                           *                            * 

Riff tells Plootie that he does not feel guilty 
about killing the gang members, 
but somehow, he doesn’t trust Plootie. 
How could be not trust a child? 
Riff warns him not to go to the police.

*                           *                            * 

Lou tries to guess what caused the fire in the theatre. 
He has exhausted all the magical possibilities. 
He gives up. 
What brought the theatre down?  
Geraldine tells her husband that she missed him. 
He was miserable, 
drinking while sunning himself by the pool. 
She asks if he was alone. 
Lou tells her that he took many meetings 
and he was not distracted by his female co-star. 
He remembers what she did last time he was distracted. 
 She takes their wedding vows very seriously, 
and has just realized that she is terribly jealous. 
There is nothing left for her in New York. 
With the Pantages and the Ferguson theatre both burned down. 
The Ferguson burned down as well? 
Did a dragon do it?

*                           *                            * 

Daisy says that someone burned down the theatre 
right in front of them, 
with no consideration for their lives or their safety. 
 Who are they now, with no theatre of their own? 
What is a showgirl without a stage? 
They put everything into that theatre. 
And now, they have nothing. 
Juniper says that that someone has got to pay. 
 It was Plootie. 
She was acting crazy, 
all hopped up on children’s cigarettes. 
Juniper says that Plootie will get one chance to explain. 
She and Daisy will play good cop, bad cop.

*                           *                            * 

Henchbuck and Paddy wish they had a nice glass of whiskey. 
Paddy hates drinking the bathtub gin. 
 His boys didn’t deserve to die like that 
and he wishes he knew who did it.
*                           *                            *

 Jack is so excited to see Isadore 
that he has peed himself. 
Isadore always enjoys meeting a fan. 
Jack read all his books in Spain 
and is enjoying being in quarantine now. 
 Not understanding the concept of quarantine, 
Jack tells Isadore that he is going to have a quarantine party 
and invite all his friends. 
Isadore would love to meet new people in New York. 
Jack will find a lover for Isadore at the party. 
He’ll tell everyone that they can’t leave afterwards.

*                           *                            *

Plootie doesn’t know why Riff thinks 
that he would go to the police. 
Riff says that they have to get their act together. 
Where, with no theatre?  
We’re not going to become buskers, are we? 
Riff says that they have to get rid of 
the sole survivor of the Ferguson Theatre fire. 
No one will stand a chance standing in their way. 
 Plootie asks Riff what else there is to burn down? 
He’s just a kid that’s a little insane. 
He tells Riff about how he imagined that he burned down theatre. 
Maybe I P Knightly will write their story.

*                           *                            * 

Jack and Isadore visit Lou. 
He introduces Lou to Isadore. 
Lou says that The Rusty Bedsprings changed his life. 
He asks what his latest project will be. 
He is looking for some inspiration. 
Maybe it will be something from his childhood. 
It was sad. 
His mother was tragically killed by a gator.  
 Those things you put on your feet? 
No, those are crocs. 
Jack says that he is throwing a quarantine party at the theatre. 
He just returned from Spain and Poland. 
and he picked up a touch of the Spanish Flu and a little bit of polio. 
Jack will even invite his parents to the party!

*                           *                            *

Juniper, Geraldine, and Daisy sit 
in Geraldine's penthouse suite bedroom. 
She likes to sit in her bed and watch pigeons. 
They are not happy and successful like fat pigeons. 
 Juniper asks why they aren’y killing Plootie already. 
Is that is something you really want to do? 
That’s something you can’t come back from. 
Is it revenge or a practical solution to an ongoing problem?

*                           *                            * 

Plootie and Riff discuss taking down Paddy O’Lantern. 
Henchbuck arrives, and Plootie thinks that he is an Irish gang member. 
 Riff explains that Henchbuck is undercover. 
Riff tells Henchbuck about killing the gang members.  
 He assumes that Plootie burned down the Ferguson. 
When they mention Keaton Abbott, 
 Plootie becomes distraught and unconsolable.

*                           *                            *

Paddy meets with Geraldine and offers her a drink. 
She likes that they always had different tastes.
 She was champagne and caviar and he was cabbage.  
 She asks what he is still doing there? 
All his men are dead and she carried out his whiskey heist. 
He asks what she might know about the Ferguson fire. 
If she is up to it, they can find out.

*                           *                            *

 Henchbuck tries to lure Paddy into a dark alley. 
Riff and Plootie watch. 
Henchbuck says that he needs to speak to Paddy.
 He needs to know what he knows about the Ferguson fire. 
He knows as much as Henchbuck does. 
 He was drinking whiskey and suddenly 
the ground came up at him at an alarming rate. 
Henchbuck goes off and tells 
Riff and Plootie that he thinks that 
Paddy knows something about the fire. 
They will find out what he knows, 
and THEN they will kill him. 
Plootie joins Henchbuck to talk to Paddy. 
Paddy helps Plootie with his Irish accent.
 Plootie says that they are cut from the same cloth. 
Paddy thinks that Plootie may have 
use of his services with the Pokey Bangers. 
As an initiation, Plootie has to go into a dark alley 
and pickpocket the first person he sees.  
 He comes back with Riff’s wallet. 
Welcome to the Pokey Bangers!

*                           *                            *

Riff visits Juniper and Daisy. 
He says that there is no place to work anymore 
and there is some skulduggery underfoot. 
He can’t trust Plootie. 
Juniper says that Plootie burned down their theatre. 
It’s time that they get their forces together. 
They have to lure Plootie to the catwalk..

*                           *                            * 

I P Knightly interviews Geraldine in the 
charred remains of her dressing room. 
She is so pleased to meet him. 
 He charms her, and she falls in love with him. 
He asks what brought her to New York. 
She followed her husband to New York 
when he decided to pursue a career in vaudeville. 
He hopes one day to have a wife as faithful as her 
that would bear his children. 
He tells her about being born in Pineapple, Alabama.  
 He would love to take her South. 
South is where Isadore does his best work. 

*                           *                            *

 Lou meets with Paddy O’Lantern. 
He is interested in Paddy’s story. 
Lou expected to meet an anthropomophic pumpkin. 
Paddy is a man who gets things done. 
Lou thinks that people would like to see his story on the silver screen. 
Next to Santa Claus, he is the King of the Holidays. 
With the right publicity, he could take him down. 
So, why October 31st? 
People dress normally all year long. 
They need a day to dress in something special, 
something scary, something a little unorthodox. 
Does it hurt when they cut out the little triangles for the eyes?  
 Lou will take some liberties with his story. 
He already has the rights to Davy Crockett’s story. 
He sees Paddy in a coonskin hat. 
Who does Lou see playing him? 
He thinks he should play himself. 

*                           *                            *

Daisy, Juniper, and Riff go to see Jack Potts. 
They try to win him over to their side. 
Jack tells him that he is in quarantine. 
He is on a lunch break though, so they are safe. 
 Juniper says that they can lure someone up to his apartment. 
When they’re up there, they can push them off of the balcony 
or stuff them in the furnace. 
 Are they talking about murder? 
No, it’s retribution. 
They’d prefer not to implicate him, 
but they’ll use him.  
Jack asks who they plan to bump off? 
Plootie. 
And Paddy, and Henchbuck.  
Juniper is shocked to hear that it’s now three murders.
 Juniper and Daisy say that things are escalating.
 Jack says that he will help with all three.

*                           *                            * 

 Plootie meets ... 
 ...the other members of the Pokey Blinders. 
 Bernie Sanders lends his support. 
Paddy introduces Plootie to everyone 
and they welcome him 
with the traditional Pokey Binders song.
  Paddy gives Plootie some whiskey.
 He worries about getting the Spanish Flu from it.
  Paddy says that the whiskey will 
stop her from getting the Spanish Flu.

*                           *                            *

Geraldine asks if I P Knightly was invited to the quarantine party. 
 He will go if she goes as well. 
He needs to go and be inspired.
  Lou arrives and surprises them together.
 Geraldine says that this strange man broke into her apartment.
 Isadore asks if he wants to ask Lou to leave. 
 Lou is enraged.
 He has a showdown with Isadore
 and forces a drink down his throat.

*                           *                            *

 It’s the quarantine party.
 Ain’t no party like a quarantine party
 ‘cause a quarantine party is the last you’ll attend. 
Henchbuck, Paddy, Plootie size up 
against Riff, Geraldine, and Daisy. 
 The doorbell rings, and Jack’s parents arrive, 
followed by Bernie Sanders, 

 Every jumps out. yelling, “QUARANTINE!” 
He invited his parents to get back at them 
for everything that try did to him growing up.
  Bernie says that they will have to make the best of things.
 The first rule is not to touch their feces.
  Plootie is feeling the effects of the flu.
 Bernie says they will be fine 
as long as they have toilet paper.
 Jack confesses that he hasn’t stocked up.
 Jack agrees with his parents.
 His mother says that they shouldn’t have been invited
 to whatever is going on at this party.
  His parents are going to leave 
with their weakened immune systems 
and spread the flu throughout New York.   
       
*                           *                            *

 *    Directed by Peter Brown   *
*    Music by Paul Morgan Donald    *



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