It’s 1919 in New York City, and Vaudeville is all the rage!

Impish impresario Keaton Abbott (Jason Hardwick) is polishing the planks of the Ferguson Theatre as his company of actors, magicians, jugglers, singers, showgirls, stage-hands and circus animals put the finishing touches on their latest variety spectacle.

DIE-NASTY plays every Monday at 7:30 at the Varscona Theatre
(10329 - 83 Avenue in Old Strathcona) from October 21, 2019, through May 25, 2020, except for December 23 and 30.

Tickets are $15 or $10 with a $40 membership
and are available at the door (cash only) or online at

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Episode 5 - "Sail That Sponsorship"

Episode 5 - "Sail That Sponsorship"
Photographs by Janna Hove
Synopsis by Jim Cej

*          *          *

Our Cast of Characters

Jason Hardwick as Keaton Abbott 
-impresario, theatre owner-
Kristi Hansen as Bobbi Smarts 
-designer and stage hand-
Tom Edwards as Riff Van Winkel 
-ex-flying ace turned dare-devil-
Delia Barnett as Daisy Darling 
- showgirl, born in a trunk-
Matt Alden as Jack Potts 
- recently poor man about town-
Mark Meer as Lou Tellegen 
- famous actor -
Jesse Gervais as Lou Costello 
- accountant and guesser-

*          *          * 

-  November 18th, 1919 -

*          *          * 

As Keaton Abbott and Lou Costello meet 
about the theatre's financial situation...  
Riff van Winkel stumbles through the curtain.  
He has been stabbed and is bleeding ... very theatrically.

*          *           *

Lou Tellegen calls Daisy Darling. 
He cannot get an outside line and there is a body lying bleeding on the floor.
 He’s not sure if he is dead, but his buttocks are still warm.

*          *          * 

Daisy calls Keaton Abbott to tell him about the body.

*          *          * 

Keaton Abbott misdials and gets Bobbi Smarts.

*          *          * 

Bobbi Smarts figures that Lou Costello is good with numbers, 
so she calls him about the body. 

*          *          * 

Lou calls Jack Potts to help get the body out of the theatre. 
Jack is turned on by his phone voice

*          *          * 

Jack Potts tries to call the hospital but gets Riff instead. 
Lou Tellegen answers for him. 
He passes the phone to Riff.

*          *          * 

A group of nurses finds Riff lying on the floor. 

They carry him off to Turkish Delight, the Turkish bath.

*          *          * 

The attendant at the Turkish bath tries to rouse Riff. 

 He says that he hurts a lot and is bleeding. 
 They ask who has done this to him. 
His girlfriend is responsible.  Ah.

*          *         *

Back at the Ferguson,  Keaton talks to Daisy 
about getting everyone to go on a sponsorship field trip. 
She tells him about passing the hat at her parent’s performances. 

Keaton is taken by the idea. 
He wants her handle to Jack Potts, 
because Keaton hates him.

*          *          * 

Riff Van Winkel’s life passes before his eyes. 
We see a series of tableaux. 

Riff as a baby

Riff as a teen.

Riff as a soldier.

Riff is stabbed by Bobbi.

The Turks debate what to do with Riff. 
They decide to take him to the healing powers of the Forbidden Bath.

*          *          * 

Daisy finds Jack Potts with Lou Costello 
and tells them about Keaton’s idea to arrange a parade of performers 
to support the theatre. 

Jack has had a bad experience with parades. 
Elephants! So many elephants! 

They kidnapped him and released him 3 years later. 
When he got home, his parents had forgotten about him.

*          *          * 

Everyone meets at the fortune teller’s booth to start their field trip. 
Keaton has Lou Tellegen try to get money out of the fortune teller. 

When he starts telling Lou’s fortune, 
he finds the fortune-teller to be quite astute and generous. 

He gives Lou a contract with the Limelight Theatre. 
It is exactly like that time that Jack Potts bought a timeshare.

*          *          *

Lou Tellegen meets with Bobbi Smarts in the secret downstairs bar. 
They drink the Bechdel wine, but must share a glass. 
She knows why he called her. 
There is that clause in the contract that if there is an act of god, 
the contact is void. 
They talk about Keaton’s plan to burn the Limelight down. 
Lou wonders if they are doing the right thing. 
It is a dog-eat-dog world. 
He has never actually seen a dog eat a dog. 
Stick around and see how it’s done.

*          *          * 

Riff awakens at the Forbidden Bath. 
He is watched over by Jack Potts. 
Riff feels violated in every orifice. 
His stab wound is gone, but at what cost? 
Does he have an insect or virus inside of him? 
He asks Jack for some answers. 

Jack can’t help him, but he knows someone who can. 
He leads Riff through the secret catacombs 
to the man with the answers.

*          *          * 

Riff appears at Lou Tellegen’s house with his terrifying story. 
But he is more troubled by the fact that Bobbi stabbed him. 
If he does not go to the police, Lou will. 
Riff may feel fine now, but that is a symptom to post traumatic stress. 
Bobbi is seeing someone else now. 
He must do it for that person’s safety.

*          *          * 

Bobbi visits Daisy in her dressing room. 
She thinks Daisy looks like Juniper Jones. 
Bobbi doesn’t know where Juniper is. 
She hasn’t seen her for  a few days. 
Bobbi is worried that she is upset with how she left Riff. 
Daisy wonders if it has something to do with Riff’s attack. 

Bobbi gets so angry sometime she wants to scream. 
When she’s had a few drinks, sometimes she blacks out. 
She is worried that she will hurt Juniper, too.

*          *          * 

Keaton and Costello keep up their sponsorship parade, 
but their dogs are tired. 

Keaton is grateful for Lou’s keeping up with him.  
He works his ass off.   Literally. 

*          *          * 

Jack Potts is haunted by his decision to leave Riff in the catacombs. 
He goes to Lou Tellegen’s dressing room 
after his first performance at the Limelight Cabaret. 
Jack knows about the Forbidden Bath. 
Inside of Riff rests a full one-man musical. 
If it is not released from him, he will die. 
He must sing about Bobbi’s stabbing him 
and if he does it in front of Keaton Abbott, 
it will be like filing a report with HR.

*          *          * 

Lou Costello does his guessing act, 
but the fortune teller is in the audience. 

He tells Lou that he must follow through with his promise 
or he will suffer that death of 1000 cuts. 
He will die tonight.

*          *          * 

 Keaton Abbott paces in Riff’s dressing room 
when he is approached by Riff and Lou Tellegen. 
Something happened within Keaton's own theatre. 
 Riff tells him about his stabbing. 
Bobbi stabbed him in a fit of rage. 
It was like she became a different person altogether. 
Lou asks what he is going to do about it. 
Riff tells him that talking to her will be dangerous. 
Lou suggest that Riff wait behind a curtain. 
That way, she can stab Riff again if something goes wrong.

*          *          *

Jack goes to see Keaton and Daisy in her dressing room. 
He has something big to tell him about Riff, 
but he’s forgotten what it is. 

Is it the fact that he was stabbed? 
Yes, he told me about it two scenes ago. 

Riff must do a musical about his stabbing. 
They need to make sure that he has a place to do it. 
They must do it in front of an audience. 
It will reveal a big secret about Riff. 
If it doesn’t happen, he will turn into a werewolf. 
He’ll still have to do the musical…

*          *          * 

Lou is on edge after the fortune teller’s prediction. 
He goes to talk with Daisy Darling. 

He tells her that Bobbi may be a psychopath. 
Does she believe in fortune tellers? 
Growing up, she was exposed to many of them. 

*          *          * 

Bobbi Smarts is called into Keaton’s office. 
Riff watches from behind a curtain. 

Bobbi wants to apologize for some of her actions. 
So, she stabbed Riff? 
She has a problem and needs his help. 
Maybe if she didn’t drink too much, 
she wouldn’t stab people. 

He offers Bobbi a drink. 
He puts the problem into her hands.
Keaton doesn’t understand how she can have a relationship 
with someone in the cast but he can’t. 
It’s a power thing. 

Funny how she doesn’t see that in herself. 
They share a drink. 

When he brings up the subject of men, she takes a swing at Keaton, 
but hits Riff instead and knocks him out.

*          *          * 

Jack Potts does Riff’s one man show for him. 

He forgives Bobbi on Riff’s behalf. 
But why did she did she do it? 
She was drunk.

*          *          * 

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